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Pointer 8: Make A Plan

            Couples battling infertility must make a myriad of decisions and judgments: what tests to have, what treatment options to explore, how many times to repeat them, how much money to spend, what doctor to select, and what procedures are most likely to bring success.  Infertility decisions rank right up there with other important choices such as what college to attend and even what person to marry.  While you should stay flexible to allow for medical breakthroughs, for new information about your condition, for a changing insurance policy, or even a surprise pregnancy, it's still important to construct an overall plan so you know where you are and where you're headed at any given moment. 

            Forging a plan forces you to think about how much money you want to spend, how long you want to keep trying, how much physical and emotional trauma you believe you can withstand, what kinds of odds you are looking for, and other critical factors.  As you make a plan, you need to ask yourself some tough questions -- questions that focus on your physical, emotional and financial wherewithal.  Your inner monologue may go something like this: "I want a baby.  What am I willing to do to make it happen?  Am I willing to endure physical pain?  Am I willing to spend my money on infertility treatments instead of a vacation?  Am I willing to put my social life on hold?  Can I put my career on the back burner?"  Answers to these questions do not come easily.  As one woman we talked to put it, "Infertility hurts my brain." What are you willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal?

            Once you learn about all the available treatments and how they'll affect your life and pocketbook, you're ready to develop your plan.  We recommend devising a six-month plan.  By keeping things finite, you can determine your monetary and emotional limits without overwhelming yourself.  If pregnancy remains elusive after six months, then re-evaluate and devise another plan for the next six months.  Six months is a reasonable amount of time since infertility treatment options are changing rapidly.

            Once you develop your plan, stick with it unless new information warrants a change.  Here's an example of a plan that was well-organized and thoughtful, but not carved in stone.

           In their plan, Susan and Michael decided to try three in vitro procedures.  If these three procedures failed, then they would begin to take steps toward adoption.  Unfortunately, the three IVF procedures were unsuccessful.  But then they learned about the recent great success of a procedure in which a donor gives her eggs to the couple to be fertilized with the husband's sperm, and then the embryo is transferred to the wife's uterus.  Susan and Michael decided to try an egg donor procedure before adopting.  As they were waiting for a donor, Susan became pregnant by taking fertility drugs and having an insemination.  Then Susan lost that pregnancy and became pregnant with the egg donor procedure.