Draft material to appear in Getting Pregnant When You Thought You Couldn't (Spring, 2001)

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Pointer 6: Be a Partner in Treatment

            Arthur Greil in Not Yet Pregnant[i] makes an excellent point when he says that "infertility . . . is in the process of becoming medicalized."  He further asserts that this medicalization puts the infertile person into a "passive role" with her physician, who dominates all face-to-face interactions.

            How do you view your role as the patient? Do you remain passive and let your doctor run the show? Or do you educate yourself (Pointer 1) and view yourself as a partner in your own treatment?

            As a partner in treatment, you will feel more able to discuss the medical options, ask questions and voice your opinions.  Of course, your doctor has a deeper knowledge of infertility diagnosis and treatment, but you know your own psychological responses to medication and your medical history, for example, better than anyone else.  Failing to assert yourself with your doctor can make you feel frustrated and resentful of medical treatment that fails to meet your needs.  Believe it or not, most doctors will welcome you as a partner.

            By assertive, we certainly don't mean you should be obnoxious or constantly challenging your doctor's every word and action.  Assertiveness, as one of the key aspects of this Pointer, means stating what you want and making every reasonable effort to get it.  Being assertive means believing that it's your perfect right[ii] to want certain things.  Being assertive also means behaving in a way that is honest and relatively straightforward in terms of how you think and feel.

            By being assertive, Marsha, one of our clients, avoided an unnecessary treatment with Clomid, a drug that she had tolerated poorly in the past.  Marsha took Clomid for six months and had suffered physical and emotional side effects such as hot flashes, vaginal dryness, mood swings and uncontrollable crying fits.  She vowed never to take Clomid again.  When she began treatment at a local clinic, the doctor described a particular test that involved taking Clomid.  Marsha was very upset and spent several sleepless nights.  She talked to her husband, who urged her to talk assertively with her doctor.           

            The next day, Marsha telephoned the doctor and asked him for more information about the test.  Then she described her previous response to Clomid.  The doctor explained that the test was important but not critical and that if she preferred not to take the drug, she didn't have to.  He told her they could use other tests instead.  Marsha learned a valuable lesson about asserting her needs.